Mamma mia!

I really had no idea what I was getting into but I sure am glad I went.  Multiple exhibition halls and so many people and producers – I was completely overwhelmed and awed.  And odd.  Though I am shyly impressed that I managed to go through it and survive and enjoy the whole experience.

The picture simply cannot capture the scale of the event:

I realized as I walked through how I am becoming quite skilled at observing others to learn what to do… At the metro, to tap my ticket.  At the exhibition, to have my bag checked.  At the food stalls, to take a sample with the toothpick on the side.  At other stalls, to buy the food.  Quite proud really.  These are simple things when you know but intimidating when you don’t and I managed just fine.

In many ways, it turned out to be an ideal eating experience for me.  I could go and try little bits of many things with no pressure to eat more.  I could be selective about which booths I visited and no one was watching me eat.  As such, I managed to try items I normally wouldn’t get the chance to try… so many types of cheeses, a Ligurian pesto, olive pate, and chocolates from many Italian regions.  And beer tasters too.  Aside from the beer, the food was fantastic.  I’ve yet to find a good Italian craft beer.

It was a very different experience than I believe it would have been in North America.  The samples were very small and people seemed quite happy with this.  No one appeared to be overindulging and most were also buying items.  I can imagine people taking much more advantage of the tasting in North America but that just didn’t seem to be the case here.

Salone del Gusto – another reason for me to love Italy and Turin.  Another chance to push my limits just a bit more.

And my BS at the moment?  10.2.  A little high but not bad given the unknowns in my intake.

A taster and teaser…

September 23 – So what might seem the least likely thing for a diabetic woman trying to work through recovery from anorexia? I know, a food festival! However, Salone del Gusto is in Turin this weekend and so am I. So… that’s where I’m headed.

It’s apparently a world class event – Turin is the birth place of Slow Food and they take it seriously. It’s held every two years and is a celebration of food and culture. I’m scared and excited all at one.

I’ll report back later.

(Also unlikely?  That cornetto alla crema I had for breakfast. So so good.  I will not allow guilt.)

September 22 –

10 o’clock at night and I smell popcorn. And fuck do I want some. But I have had a full day of eating and, even more relevant, I’m 19.3. No more eating for me today. You can’t stop me from salivating.

My first full day in Italy and it has been a pleasant blur. An uninspiring breakfast to be sure. One that cemented the ongoing presence of my ED. There was a lot of negotiation betwee “I should eat something” and “why waste the calories on merely adequate food?” All of it with a constant overlay of… “I shouldn’t eat this anyway – so many carbs!”. I ended up pulling myself together and had some eggs along with a piece of bread and cheese.

was wolfed down (what?! I never do that. Except I did!) because I thought I couldn’t get into my apartment. Yes, in a comedic note, it turns out that if you put your key in the wrong door, it’s true, that door will not open. Sigh.

An afternoon of slow wandering and a perverse pleasure in realizing my health numbers showed much more distance covered over the course of the day than expected. It’s so hard to reconcile what I know I should think and do with what I actually think and do. Maybe I’m hoping that writing here in this space again might help.

Even if I’m the only one who ever reads it. Let’s be honest, it is rather comforting to think that there is likely never to be a second reader. This stuff is personal!

I did feel some panic in wondering if FiorFood would be accessible (there were food festival events there tonight). I got in quickly, however, and truly enjoyed my caponata. Three times in Turin and I’ve eaten there every time. Though I still felt the call to save room for a late-evening snack which I have just finished. I really do want to outgrow this particular habit.

September 21 – Oops – this was supposed to be my first triumphant entry in what I am dubbing – Italy, Diabetes and ED. Maybe – the title is a work in progress. (edit – you can see I changed it but not much).

Anyhow, that’s on hold for a moment as the plane is rather bumpy at the moment and though I try to remain wise and okay with it, yep, I’m not. I did so well with the wind as we headed out of Amsterdam that I think I was overly proud and optimistic about his last little leg. Instead, here I am kind of freaking out again.

I really did have this moment of peace on the way up and almost an indulgent fondness for my anxiety. I wish that was back now.

Oh well. Let’s try anyway. Here I am! In the air on my way back to Italy – the place where my heart finds peace even when the world is chaos. This time, since I don’t really have much of a plan, my plan is to capture (if only for myself) the challenges of diabetes and and ED while doing one’s best to embrace life and recovery.

But first this plane needs to land safely.