![\"\"](\"https:\/\/nowherelife.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/10\/Villa-Bardini-10-1-300x225.jpg\")
<\/p>\nThis was my dinner last night:<\/p>\n
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Beautiful, right?\u00a0 And I’m still struggling with whether or not it is\/was enough.\u00a0 These days I am drawn to grilled veggies and salads when I go out.\u00a0 Okay, that doesn’t sound SO bad.\u00a0 But then I end up snacking when I get home on flatbread crackers and cheese.<\/p>\n
I struggle so much to let a meal out, or with others, be the end of my eating.\u00a0 I always am looking to leave a little bit of room so that I can eat more when I am alone at home.<\/p>\n
Why? I vacillate on the reaons but I think it is association with comfort and relaxation.\u00a0 Maybe. But even that doesn’t quite ring true.\u00a0 It certainly is a good thing to explore if I am to change this pattern.\u00a0 This pattern that makes it a heck of a lot easier to be alone.<\/p>\n
Now that I write that, I wonder if part of that drive right now is this weird state I’m in of spending quite a bit of time with others (who I don’t know that well) contrasted with a loneliness BECAUSE I don’t know people well here.\u00a0 I gravitate toward tending to my feelings by restricting when out then eating alone later.<\/p>\n
![\"Beautiful,](\"https:\/\/cdn.pixabay.com\/photo\/2016\/11\/29\/07\/36\/beautiful-1868139__340.jpg\")
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I also need to admit that a part of it is that there are things I want to eat and I am denying myself b\/c I\u00a0remain scared of gaining weight.\u00a0 Of losing my attractiveness and appeal.\u00a0 Things that I know will pass anyway yet I cling to now.\u00a0\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n So fickle and shallow are my ways and yet so deep are the emotions and thoughts beneath.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"