![\"Popcorn](\"https:\/\/cdn.pixabay.com\/photo\/2016\/02\/03\/22\/25\/popcorn-1178242__340.jpg\")
<\/p>\nSeptember 22 –<\/p>\n
10 o\u2019clock at night and I smell popcorn. And fuck do I want some. But I have had a full day of eating and, even more relevant, I\u2019m 19.3. No more eating for me today. You can\u2019t stop me from salivating.<\/p>\n
My first full day in Italy and it has been a pleasant blur. An uninspiring breakfast to be sure. One that cemented the ongoing presence of my ED. There was a lot of negotiation betwee \u201cI should eat something\u201d and \u201cwhy waste the calories on merely adequate food?\u201d All of it with a constant overlay of\u2026 \u201cI shouldn\u2019t eat this anyway – so many carbs!\u201d. I ended up pulling myself together and had some eggs along with a piece of bread and cheese.<\/p>\n
![\"Key](\"https:\/\/cdn.pixabay.com\/photo\/2013\/06\/08\/23\/23\/key-123554__340.jpg\")
was wolfed down (what?! I never do that. Except I did!) because I thought I couldn\u2019t get into my apartment. Yes, in a comedic note, it turns out that if you put your key in the wrong door, it\u2019s true, that door will not open. Sigh.<\/p>\n
An afternoon of slow wandering and a perverse pleasure in realizing my health numbers showed much more distance covered over the course of the day than expected. It\u2019s so hard to reconcile what I know I should think and do with what I actually think and do. Maybe I\u2019m hoping that writing here in this space again might help.<\/p>\n
Even if I\u2019m the only one who ever reads it. Let\u2019s be honest, it is rather comforting to think that there is likely never to be a second reader. This stuff is personal!<\/p>\n
I did feel some panic in wondering if FiorFood would be accessible (there were food festival events there tonight). I got in quickly, however, and truly enjoyed my caponata. Three times in Turin and I\u2019ve eaten there every time. Though I still felt the call to save room for a late-evening snack which I have just finished. I really do want to outgrow this particular habit.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"